377 rant

before I get into this, I just want to say that I was REALLY happy about 377 being decriminalised. relieved, and happy, but most of all, hopeful. because this was supposed to be a little step, that would open the way up for more. but most people, even gay people, are happy and satisfied with this.
while I understand that is hard for people to get past their conditioning, it doesn't compare to how hard queer people's lives are right now.
I am a lesbian female, moderately feminine, and pretty much pass for straight unless I'm wearing something that indicates otherwise. and yet, I face discrimination with people with whom I'm out. It's incredibly harder for effeminate men and masculine women (even the straight one), and more for transexuals. and for most people who have never faced discrimination in their lives, and are not sensitized enough, they could not begin to understand what the lgbtq community goes through on a daily basis.

about 377. the decriminilisation was good and everything, but it was a fuckall law that has been there for centuries, and the very idea that its removal was celebrated should have served as reminder to the straight people what a fuckall world it is for us.
we weren't legally allowed to have sex.
let that just sink in for a moment. no sex. sex is how love is performed. it's fundamental to all animals. it's natural to want to feel a lover, to hold him, and yes, to fuck him.
think of maslow. the physiological needs are at the bottom of the fucking hierarchy. you can not move upward to the other needs and drives, until the basic needs are fulfilled. decriminalising the right of some people to sex is fucking virulent and invasive.
and it was this need that was denied. straight people (years after campaigns against it): 377 is unjust, it should be removed. well, duh.

also, there is a difference in between decriminalising and condoning. politicians are overtly and explicitly against the whole fact of homosexuality. they're not validating  anything, they're not fucking espousing it, they're not even saying it's okay, it's not fucking accepted,
they're just fucking saying if you do it, we won't fucking arrest you
we won't fucking call you "obscene" in the law, but then you will fuckin say it in the newspaper.

some so-called liberals are on the next step. i don't really have a problem with someone being gay but i don't want a friend "like that". i don't have a problem with people being gay "in principle", but i wouldn't be friends with a gay dude.
I have heard from at least three girls I personally know, "I wouldn't mind having a gay best friend, but having a lesbian as a friend would be really awkward". yeah, because what if she likes you. and then makes you gay with her lesbian energy. which is possible. or the most innocent and the most condescendin, it was about time something was done. "they" have been suffering so much.  It's the least we could do for "those gay people".

and most of these people think are sensitized. watching western liberal movies, reading yaoi, and fetisiching us. being an ally is the new cool thing. it's good, it's good. but could you be a little more smart about it. "oh, are you gay? That's so cool. are you the butch or the femme?"

straight people don't understand the angst, they think it's too much. too violent, are we? asking for too much. "it takes time to change how people think... we aren't killing you, just wait for the tide to turn..."
think of any fucking independence movement, just people sitting and doig their own private festivals, and writing blogs, kisiko mila hai independence! all revolutions have been violent. the queer fight for rights is a revolution.

these people alienate themselves. they do more harm than good, they hurt people's feelings. they use it as a joke. straight people don't fucking understand what it's like to be in constant fucking judgement. constant. every second I'm with someone to whom I'm out, I'm a representative. it's mentally taxing.
what do you want things to be done? what do you want me to do? why are you yelling at me about this? I am fucking done with straight allies.
everything will be fine in ten years, and that's nothing in the scale of time. if i have a girlfriend and I want to get married next year, it's going to do batshit for me. nothing

Blue is the Warmest Color.

QUOTES FROM THE MOVIE> PRetty FRench. 

1 Ceci nous rapproche des caractéristiques de la tragédie.

2 Ça touche à l'éternité de l'être, ça touche à l'intemporel, à la fonction même,

3 La tragédie, c'est l'inéluctable, c'est ce à quoi on ne peut échapper.

4 à l'essence même, de l'être humain.

5 La mystérieuse faiblesse des visages d'hommes.

6 About Sartre : L'existentialisme est un humanisme. C'est une bonne intro à sa philosophie. C'est accessible. Sartre pose comme principe que l'existence précède les sens. On naît au monde, et après on se définit par ses actes. Ça nous donne une grande responsabilité.

WORDS > 
1 Gouinasse.  Comes from the verb "Gouiner" = to have sexual relations between women. "Gouine" = femme lesbian. 

2 un mensonge - lie. Un mensonge par omission = a lie by omission. Détecter de mensonge = lie detector. 

3 emmerder = piss off/irritate/annoy. 

REFERENCES > 

1 Dangerous Liasons. (Choderlos de Laclos : The novelist who wrote the book "Les Liasons Dangereuses" on which the movie was based. Also wrote "De L''éducation des Femmes". He was an army general.)

2 ON LÂCHE RIEN : Song by "Hk et Les Saltimbanks", literally "We don't give up."

"Antigone is still a child." : Reference to a play by Sophocles, or also simply to Greek mythology. Antigone is the daughter/sister of Oedipus. The meaning of the name is, as in the case of the masculine equivalent Antigonus, "worthy of one's parents" or "in place of one's parents". The heroine Antigone chose to break the laws of the land (King Creon) to bury her brother Polynices who died while challenging his brother who took the throne from him upon the end of his tenure (they had a deal to rule alternate year.) The play is told by a crow, very sarcastically and is available to read. 

3 D'art moche. The Moche Civilisation was found in ancient Peru between 1 CE and 800 CE. They elaborated new technologies in metallurgy, pottery, and. textile production. , and finally, they created an elaborate ideological system and a complex religious iconography. Moche skilled ceramists produced a great variety of exquisitely decorated vessels.

4 Get up, Stand up : Song by Bob Marley. 

5 A little poem for kids in the kindergarten : 

Le lundi est tout gris.

Jaune clair est le mardi.

Mercredi rose, on se repose.

Jeudi bleu vient à son tour.

Jeudi vert le suit toujours.

Vendredi vert.

*J'ai trouvé en recherchant une ligne de Thoreau "Personne n'a la responsabilité de tout faire, mais chacun doit accomplir quelque chose."

Not understood ?

J'en avais marre de brosser les gens dans le sens du poil.

Je préfère être faux-culen vendant des apparts que...

Brokeback Mountain.

Possibly the first Ang Lee movie that I liked, maybe because I had already heard a lot about it and imagined how it would be like. From the Hindi movie Sholay, said to be similar to it to Brokeback Mountain was a far leap, but I enjoyed it. For one thing, Sholay takes off at a fast pace, not quite preparing us for what is to come, and the sorrow when it comes is a personal one, abrupt and heart-rending. Sholay also tries to make the ending uplifting by showing the survivor getting a happily ever after with his girl. Brokeback Mountain makes no such pretenses. It is melancholic from the start, absorbing us into the lives of these two men, their women and their relationship. When he dies, it pulls the rug from under our feet but in a way we always knew nothing good was every going to happen to the both of them, the way the whole movie was shot. Such beautiful shots too, small, quiet scenes, letting the negatives do the talking. Precious.
Small things, like Ennis not talking much, or not making eye-contact in the beginning or this line "Speak for yourself.  You may be a sinner, but I ain't yet had the opportunity" indicate his characters. The difference in their clothing, mannerisms, gentleness. 
Alma and Ennis watching SURF PARTY, and then watching KOJAK years later, and the difference in how they're sitting, their children, their mood, their attitudes, the way they talk to each other. 
Roger Miller's "King of the Road." is playing when Jack is going to see Ennis; he's so happy, excited, singing along emphatically. 
The soul of the movie is so clear in this little scene > 

flashback in 1963 on Brokeback Mountain at daybreak:

(JACK stands half asleep at fire, as ENNIS approaches from behind and wraps his arms around him and rocks him.) 

ENNIS  Come on now, you're sleepin' on your feet like a horse.  My mama used to say that to me when I was little . . .  and sing to me . . .  (hums a song)  I gotta go.  See you in the mornin'. 

(ENNIS gives JACK one more hug as JACK nods slightly, then lets JACK go.  As ENNIS leaves, we see JACK's face, with an expression of love and longing.)

SO BEAUTIFUL I LOVE THIS MOVIE SO MUCH I WATCHED IT TWICE AND FORGOT TO TAKE NOTES SO I HAD TO WATCH IT AGAIN TO DO THIS SHIT REVIEW NO ONE IS EVER GOING TO READ. BYE.

Reading >
E. Annie Proulx;
Walter Murch’s In The Blink of an Eye.
The screenplay is by Larry McMurtry and Diana Ossana.
 McMurtry's Lonesome Dove trilogy,

http://www.bodybuildingreviews.net/brokeback/

J M Barrie Omnibus : Peter Pan.

Peter Pan : The Original.

J M Barrie : Omnibus.

ONE : PETER PAN>

Going back to the original Peter Pan after watching the Disney version at least fifteen times was...interesting. Peter is actually an asshole! Wow! (Honestly, I never liked Peter after the way he treated Tink anyway, but now I don't like him at all, except as an asshole. He is such a delicious asshole.)

First impression of the book, positive joyous exclamation wishing for something to last forever is supposed to be positive and joyous. "Oh, why can't you remain like this for ever!" Brings to mind, "They spoil every romance by trying to make it last forever."

"Two is the beginning of the end." Jesus, yes, I so fucking do not want to grow up. I used to be able to fly in my dreams, and now I can't.

perambulator = a small vehicle with four wheels in which a baby or child is pushed around

NANA ❤ "She believed to her last day in old-fashioned remedies like rhubarb leaf, and made sounds of contempt over all this new-fangled talk about germs, and so on."

"The gaiety of those romps!"

"Mrs. Darling first heard of Peter when she was tidying up her children's minds. It is the nightly custom of every good mother after her children are asleep to rummage in their minds and put things straight for next morning, repacking into their proper places the many articles that have wandered during the day. If you could keep awake (but of course you can't) you would see your own mother doing this, and you would find it very interesting to watch her. It is quite like tidying up drawers. You would see her on her knees, I expect, lingering humorously over some of your contents, wondering where on earth you had picked this thing up, making discoveries sweet and not so sweet, pressing this to her cheek as if it were as nice as a kitten, and hurriedly stowing that out of sight. When you wake in the morning, the naughtiness and evil passions with which you went to bed have been folded up small and placed at the bottom of your mind and on the top, beautifully aired, are spread out your prettier thoughts, ready for you to put on." This is my favorite paragraph. (Though my mom might see such things in my mind that make her throw me out.)

mea culpa = used as an acknowledgement of one's fault or error. Latin, my fault. 

"No one could ever look quite so merry as Peter, and the loveliest of gurgles was his laugh. He had his first laugh still." Hehehe.

"Tink was not all bad; or, rather, she was all bad just now, but, on the other hand, sometimes she was all good. Fairies have to be one thing or the other, because being so small they unfortunately have room for one feeling only at a time. They are, however, allowed to change, only it must be a complete change." Precious TINK ❤❤

RACONTEUR = a person who tells anecdotes in a skilful and amusing way.

"He was never more sinister than when he was most polite, which is probably the truest test of breeding; and the elegance of his diction, even when he was swearing, no less than the distinction of his demeanour, showed him one of a different cast from his crew." MY OWN, HOOK ❤❤❤ HE IS SO BEAUTIFUL AND NOBLE IN THE BOOK WHY HAVE THEY REDUCED HIM TO A TYPICAL VILLAIN IN THE MOVIE, HE IS MORE THAN THAT, DISNEYYY!!! "BAD FORM", GOOD FORM, BAD FORM, DEATH BY BAD FORM, GOOD FORM, YAY!

seigneur =  a feudal lord, the lord of a manor.

/ function /

cushion is small and wet with tears.
they wait to be fed or to be eaten.
I hate being looked at; Christmas cheer.
sow and tie me to the grim palanquin.

abject sense of loss, sensation,
although head-fast unifying concussion,
lift me, just looking for confirmation.
Never really had asked for it that way,
.
silver switch like gruesome pudding
messes and laboratories sad and redding.
there's a crystal sadness in the air, for
function takes root in provisional envies.

George Orwell's essay on Mahatma Gandhi.

Saints should always be judged guilty until they are proved innocent, but the tests that have to be applied to them are not, of course, the same in all cases. 

debauchery = excessive indulgence in sex, alcohol, or drugs = dissipation, dissoluteness, degeneracy.

Anarchists and pacifists, in particular, have claimed him for their own, noticing only that he was opposed to centralism and State violence and ignoring the other-worldly, anti-humanist tendency of his doctrines. But one should, I think, realize that Gandhi's teachings cannot be squared with the belief that Man is the measure of all things and that our job is to make life worth living on this earth, which is the only earth we have. They make sense only on the assumption that God exists and that the world of solid objects is an illusion to be escaped from.

Close friendships, Gandhi says, are dangerous, because “friends react on one another” and through loyalty to a friend one can be led into wrong-doing. 


In this yogi-ridden age, it is too readily assumed that “non-attachment” is not only better than a full acceptance of earthly life, but that the ordinary man only rejects it because it is too difficult: in other words, that the average human being is a failed saint. It is doubtful whether this is true. Many people genuinely do not wish to be saints, and it is probable that some who achieve or aspire to sainthood have never felt much temptation to be human beings. If one could follow it to its psychological roots, one would, I believe, find that the main motive for “non-attachment” is a desire to escape from the pain of living, and above all from love, which, sexual or non-sexual, is hard work. But it is not necessary here to argue whether the other-worldly or the humanistic ideal is “higher”. The point is that they are incompatible. One must choose between God and Man, and all “radicals” and “progressives”, from the mildest Liberal to the most extreme Anarchist, have in effect chosen Man.

In relation to the late war, one question that every pacifist had a clear obligation to answer was: “What about the Jews? Are you prepared to see them exterminated? If not, how do you propose to save them without resorting to war?” I must say that I have never heard, from any Western pacifist, an honest answer to this question, though I have heard plenty of evasions, usually of the “you're another” type. But it so happens that Gandhi was asked a somewhat similar question in 1938 and that his answer is on record in Mr. Louis Fischer's Gandhi and Stalin. According to Mr. Fischer, Gandhi's view was that the German Jews ought to commit collective suicide, which “would have aroused the world and the people of Germany to Hitler's violence.” After the war he justified himself: the Jews had been killed anyway, and might as well have died significantly. One has the impression that this attitude staggered even so warm an admirer as Mr. Fischer, but Gandhi was merely being honest. If you are not prepared to take life, you must often be prepared for lives to be lost in some other way.

Who is sane? Was Hitler sane? And is it not possible for one whole culture to be insane by the standards of another? And, so far as one can gauge the feelings of whole nations, is there any apparent connection between a generous deed and a friendly response? Is gratitude a factor in international politics?


One may feel, as I do, a sort of aesthetic distaste for Gandhi, one may reject the claims of sainthood made on his behalf (he never made any such claim himself, by the way), one may also reject sainthood as an ideal and therefore feel that Gandhi's basic aims were anti-human and reactionary: but regarded simply as a politician, and compared with the other leading political figures of our time, how clean a smell he has managed to leave behind!

Complete article > http://www.orwell.ru/library/reviews/gandhi/english/e_gandhi

Westworld : Part IV

Part IV : Tangents/Ramblings.

Woaah that sounds like Paint It Black! Damn, I haven't heard anything by the Rolling Stones in such a long time! I'll go listen to them! I'll just look up some Westworld music while I'm here...oh my god they covered Paint It Black! Oh my god they covered Paint It Black!!! And it sounds so good. Okay I'm just going to sit here listening to super-cool Westworld covers while I still have the rest of the show waiting to be watched :P

AIN'T NO GRAVE AHSIDFJSDKF JOHNNY CASH AHH

Flies. I noticed all the flies in the first season for some weird reason. On their eyes could be taken as a hint that they're not human and not online. And when Dolores kills the fly, that was obviously a moment. A moment it was. And when they are actually online, and they shoo away the flies, it's a indicator of how deep the impulses have been ingrained, it's really pretty. Like with the "ingratiating scheme" = personal questions in a conversation. "We've been talking for a long time and I haven't asked you a personal question."

Dolores also reminded me of Sansa, in the beginning. That line she had was so pseudo-feminist. "I imagined a story where I didn't have to be a damsel." I'm sorry, what the heck? And when she starts being brave, her clothes just get more masculine? I get that the clothes tied in later with the whole inner voice Dolores, but I thought that was kind of tacky, they could have made it much subtler. So what if everyone doesn't get it? Everyone is stupid. And I was kind of okay with how she was Sansa and immature and she had Teddy being all chivalrous and "your path leads you back to me" and she was happy in that small sexist loop, and then suddenly she broke free and I was so happy and then she starts sprouting that pseudo-feminist crap and it just hurt me inside. If the writers intended for it to show how she's struggling to throw her old mannerisms, then that would still be fine, but sure didn't seem like it. Especially how she unbuttoned even the "brave" shirt down to her cleavage. 

Also Teddy really reminded me of Billy Crash from Django Unchained (Walton Goggins), looks-wise only, not character, but apparently he's played by a James Marsden. 

MRSA = Methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus aureus. It is a bacterium responsible for several difficult-to-treat infections in humans. It's called 

I thought I heard someone mention Heromich Bodge, but apparently that's not even a person, so I don't know. If someone knows, tell me in the comments xx

Behavior takes a proprietary approach. "Proprietary" describes something that is owned exclusively by a single company that carefully guards knowledge about the technology or the product's inner workings. Eg. Microsoft takes a proprietary approach. So when the spectrum of behavior starts panning, it tries to take over all unrelated parts of the organism. 

Proprietary system? Publisher or another person retains intellectual property rights—usually copyright of the source, but sometimes patent rights.

How many men are there in a firing squad...is it to lessen the blame or guilt on a single person... Compare a firing squad with hanging and the guilt of a hangman with the poisoner (woman's weapon?). 

FIRING SQUAD> Sometimes called "fusillading" from the french "fusil" = "rifle". Before the introduction of firearms, bows or crossbows were often used.Usually, all members of the group are instructed to fire simultaneously, thus preventing both disruption of the process by a single member and identification of the member who fired the lethal shot. A single shot by the squad's officer with a pistol called the "coup de grâce" is sometimes incorporated if the initial volley turns out not to be immediately fatal. | Military Significance > For servicemen, the firing squad is symbolic. The condemned serviceman is executed by a group of his peers indicating that he is found guilty by the entire group. Also, the group action on one side (being the firing squad), with the condemned standing opposite, presents a visual contrast that reinforces to all witnesses that solidarity is an overriding necessity in a military unit. If the condemned prisoner is an ex-officer who is acknowledged to have shown bravery in their past career, they may be accorded the privilege of giving the order to fire. | Blank Cartidge > In some cases, all but one members have live rounds. Since they are not told beforehand if they have a blank cartidge or live ammunition, this is believed to reinforce the sense of diffusion of responsibility among the firing squad members and make it more likely that they would aim to kill, as they know they won't be entirely blamed for it, or if there is a chance they won't fire the lethal shot. It also allows each member of the firing squad to believe afterwards that he did not personally fire a fatal shot—for this reason, it is sometimes referred to as the "conscience round".

HANGMAN > (Side note, I searched Hangman and then Hangman Guilt, still getting results for the game -.-) The Oxford English Dictionary states that hanging in this sense is "specifically to put to death by suspension by the neck", though it formerly also referred to crucifixion and death by impalement in which the body would remain "hanging". The first account of execution by hanging was in Homer's Odyssey.

Unrelated, but from all the dead people and no tombs, Oscar Wilde is buried in the Père Lachaise Cemetery. 

Felix, Destin. I thought Mauve was going to kill Felix. For sure.

How does evolution explain peacock feathers? SEXUAL SELECTION. Researchers find that males can respond quicker than females to sexual selection, resulting in glitzier garbs like the male peacock's tail feather, which outshows any drab peahen.
http://www.slate.com/blogs/wild_things/2015/08/17/peacock_evolution_through_sexual_selection_feathers_sounds_eye_tracking.html