Blue is the Warmest Color.

QUOTES FROM THE MOVIE> PRetty FRench. 

1 Ceci nous rapproche des caractéristiques de la tragédie.

2 Ça touche à l'éternité de l'être, ça touche à l'intemporel, à la fonction même,

3 La tragédie, c'est l'inéluctable, c'est ce à quoi on ne peut échapper.

4 à l'essence même, de l'être humain.

5 La mystérieuse faiblesse des visages d'hommes.

6 About Sartre : L'existentialisme est un humanisme. C'est une bonne intro à sa philosophie. C'est accessible. Sartre pose comme principe que l'existence précède les sens. On naît au monde, et après on se définit par ses actes. Ça nous donne une grande responsabilité.

WORDS > 
1 Gouinasse.  Comes from the verb "Gouiner" = to have sexual relations between women. "Gouine" = femme lesbian. 

2 un mensonge - lie. Un mensonge par omission = a lie by omission. Détecter de mensonge = lie detector. 

3 emmerder = piss off/irritate/annoy. 

REFERENCES > 

1 Dangerous Liasons. (Choderlos de Laclos : The novelist who wrote the book "Les Liasons Dangereuses" on which the movie was based. Also wrote "De L''éducation des Femmes". He was an army general.)

2 ON LÂCHE RIEN : Song by "Hk et Les Saltimbanks", literally "We don't give up."

"Antigone is still a child." : Reference to a play by Sophocles, or also simply to Greek mythology. Antigone is the daughter/sister of Oedipus. The meaning of the name is, as in the case of the masculine equivalent Antigonus, "worthy of one's parents" or "in place of one's parents". The heroine Antigone chose to break the laws of the land (King Creon) to bury her brother Polynices who died while challenging his brother who took the throne from him upon the end of his tenure (they had a deal to rule alternate year.) The play is told by a crow, very sarcastically and is available to read. 

3 D'art moche. The Moche Civilisation was found in ancient Peru between 1 CE and 800 CE. They elaborated new technologies in metallurgy, pottery, and. textile production. , and finally, they created an elaborate ideological system and a complex religious iconography. Moche skilled ceramists produced a great variety of exquisitely decorated vessels.

4 Get up, Stand up : Song by Bob Marley. 

5 A little poem for kids in the kindergarten : 

Le lundi est tout gris.

Jaune clair est le mardi.

Mercredi rose, on se repose.

Jeudi bleu vient à son tour.

Jeudi vert le suit toujours.

Vendredi vert.

*J'ai trouvé en recherchant une ligne de Thoreau "Personne n'a la responsabilité de tout faire, mais chacun doit accomplir quelque chose."

Not understood ?

J'en avais marre de brosser les gens dans le sens du poil.

Je préfère être faux-culen vendant des apparts que...

Brokeback Mountain.

Possibly the first Ang Lee movie that I liked, maybe because I had already heard a lot about it and imagined how it would be like. From the Hindi movie Sholay, said to be similar to it to Brokeback Mountain was a far leap, but I enjoyed it. For one thing, Sholay takes off at a fast pace, not quite preparing us for what is to come, and the sorrow when it comes is a personal one, abrupt and heart-rending. Sholay also tries to make the ending uplifting by showing the survivor getting a happily ever after with his girl. Brokeback Mountain makes no such pretenses. It is melancholic from the start, absorbing us into the lives of these two men, their women and their relationship. When he dies, it pulls the rug from under our feet but in a way we always knew nothing good was every going to happen to the both of them, the way the whole movie was shot. Such beautiful shots too, small, quiet scenes, letting the negatives do the talking. Precious.
Small things, like Ennis not talking much, or not making eye-contact in the beginning or this line "Speak for yourself.  You may be a sinner, but I ain't yet had the opportunity" indicate his characters. The difference in their clothing, mannerisms, gentleness. 
Alma and Ennis watching SURF PARTY, and then watching KOJAK years later, and the difference in how they're sitting, their children, their mood, their attitudes, the way they talk to each other. 
Roger Miller's "King of the Road." is playing when Jack is going to see Ennis; he's so happy, excited, singing along emphatically. 
The soul of the movie is so clear in this little scene > 

flashback in 1963 on Brokeback Mountain at daybreak:

(JACK stands half asleep at fire, as ENNIS approaches from behind and wraps his arms around him and rocks him.) 

ENNIS  Come on now, you're sleepin' on your feet like a horse.  My mama used to say that to me when I was little . . .  and sing to me . . .  (hums a song)  I gotta go.  See you in the mornin'. 

(ENNIS gives JACK one more hug as JACK nods slightly, then lets JACK go.  As ENNIS leaves, we see JACK's face, with an expression of love and longing.)

SO BEAUTIFUL I LOVE THIS MOVIE SO MUCH I WATCHED IT TWICE AND FORGOT TO TAKE NOTES SO I HAD TO WATCH IT AGAIN TO DO THIS SHIT REVIEW NO ONE IS EVER GOING TO READ. BYE.

Reading >
E. Annie Proulx;
Walter Murch’s In The Blink of an Eye.
The screenplay is by Larry McMurtry and Diana Ossana.
 McMurtry's Lonesome Dove trilogy,

http://www.bodybuildingreviews.net/brokeback/

J M Barrie Omnibus : Peter Pan.

Peter Pan : The Original.

J M Barrie : Omnibus.

ONE : PETER PAN>

Going back to the original Peter Pan after watching the Disney version at least fifteen times was...interesting. Peter is actually an asshole! Wow! (Honestly, I never liked Peter after the way he treated Tink anyway, but now I don't like him at all, except as an asshole. He is such a delicious asshole.)

First impression of the book, positive joyous exclamation wishing for something to last forever is supposed to be positive and joyous. "Oh, why can't you remain like this for ever!" Brings to mind, "They spoil every romance by trying to make it last forever."

"Two is the beginning of the end." Jesus, yes, I so fucking do not want to grow up. I used to be able to fly in my dreams, and now I can't.

perambulator = a small vehicle with four wheels in which a baby or child is pushed around

NANA ❤ "She believed to her last day in old-fashioned remedies like rhubarb leaf, and made sounds of contempt over all this new-fangled talk about germs, and so on."

"The gaiety of those romps!"

"Mrs. Darling first heard of Peter when she was tidying up her children's minds. It is the nightly custom of every good mother after her children are asleep to rummage in their minds and put things straight for next morning, repacking into their proper places the many articles that have wandered during the day. If you could keep awake (but of course you can't) you would see your own mother doing this, and you would find it very interesting to watch her. It is quite like tidying up drawers. You would see her on her knees, I expect, lingering humorously over some of your contents, wondering where on earth you had picked this thing up, making discoveries sweet and not so sweet, pressing this to her cheek as if it were as nice as a kitten, and hurriedly stowing that out of sight. When you wake in the morning, the naughtiness and evil passions with which you went to bed have been folded up small and placed at the bottom of your mind and on the top, beautifully aired, are spread out your prettier thoughts, ready for you to put on." This is my favorite paragraph. (Though my mom might see such things in my mind that make her throw me out.)

mea culpa = used as an acknowledgement of one's fault or error. Latin, my fault. 

"No one could ever look quite so merry as Peter, and the loveliest of gurgles was his laugh. He had his first laugh still." Hehehe.

"Tink was not all bad; or, rather, she was all bad just now, but, on the other hand, sometimes she was all good. Fairies have to be one thing or the other, because being so small they unfortunately have room for one feeling only at a time. They are, however, allowed to change, only it must be a complete change." Precious TINK ❤❤

RACONTEUR = a person who tells anecdotes in a skilful and amusing way.

"He was never more sinister than when he was most polite, which is probably the truest test of breeding; and the elegance of his diction, even when he was swearing, no less than the distinction of his demeanour, showed him one of a different cast from his crew." MY OWN, HOOK ❤❤❤ HE IS SO BEAUTIFUL AND NOBLE IN THE BOOK WHY HAVE THEY REDUCED HIM TO A TYPICAL VILLAIN IN THE MOVIE, HE IS MORE THAN THAT, DISNEYYY!!! "BAD FORM", GOOD FORM, BAD FORM, DEATH BY BAD FORM, GOOD FORM, YAY!

seigneur =  a feudal lord, the lord of a manor.

/ function /

cushion is small and wet with tears.
they wait to be fed or to be eaten.
I hate being looked at; Christmas cheer.
sow and tie me to the grim palanquin.

abject sense of loss, sensation,
although head-fast unifying concussion,
lift me, just looking for confirmation.
Never really had asked for it that way,
.
silver switch like gruesome pudding
messes and laboratories sad and redding.
there's a crystal sadness in the air, for
function takes root in provisional envies.

George Orwell's essay on Mahatma Gandhi.

Saints should always be judged guilty until they are proved innocent, but the tests that have to be applied to them are not, of course, the same in all cases. 

debauchery = excessive indulgence in sex, alcohol, or drugs = dissipation, dissoluteness, degeneracy.

Anarchists and pacifists, in particular, have claimed him for their own, noticing only that he was opposed to centralism and State violence and ignoring the other-worldly, anti-humanist tendency of his doctrines. But one should, I think, realize that Gandhi's teachings cannot be squared with the belief that Man is the measure of all things and that our job is to make life worth living on this earth, which is the only earth we have. They make sense only on the assumption that God exists and that the world of solid objects is an illusion to be escaped from.

Close friendships, Gandhi says, are dangerous, because “friends react on one another” and through loyalty to a friend one can be led into wrong-doing. 


In this yogi-ridden age, it is too readily assumed that “non-attachment” is not only better than a full acceptance of earthly life, but that the ordinary man only rejects it because it is too difficult: in other words, that the average human being is a failed saint. It is doubtful whether this is true. Many people genuinely do not wish to be saints, and it is probable that some who achieve or aspire to sainthood have never felt much temptation to be human beings. If one could follow it to its psychological roots, one would, I believe, find that the main motive for “non-attachment” is a desire to escape from the pain of living, and above all from love, which, sexual or non-sexual, is hard work. But it is not necessary here to argue whether the other-worldly or the humanistic ideal is “higher”. The point is that they are incompatible. One must choose between God and Man, and all “radicals” and “progressives”, from the mildest Liberal to the most extreme Anarchist, have in effect chosen Man.

In relation to the late war, one question that every pacifist had a clear obligation to answer was: “What about the Jews? Are you prepared to see them exterminated? If not, how do you propose to save them without resorting to war?” I must say that I have never heard, from any Western pacifist, an honest answer to this question, though I have heard plenty of evasions, usually of the “you're another” type. But it so happens that Gandhi was asked a somewhat similar question in 1938 and that his answer is on record in Mr. Louis Fischer's Gandhi and Stalin. According to Mr. Fischer, Gandhi's view was that the German Jews ought to commit collective suicide, which “would have aroused the world and the people of Germany to Hitler's violence.” After the war he justified himself: the Jews had been killed anyway, and might as well have died significantly. One has the impression that this attitude staggered even so warm an admirer as Mr. Fischer, but Gandhi was merely being honest. If you are not prepared to take life, you must often be prepared for lives to be lost in some other way.

Who is sane? Was Hitler sane? And is it not possible for one whole culture to be insane by the standards of another? And, so far as one can gauge the feelings of whole nations, is there any apparent connection between a generous deed and a friendly response? Is gratitude a factor in international politics?


One may feel, as I do, a sort of aesthetic distaste for Gandhi, one may reject the claims of sainthood made on his behalf (he never made any such claim himself, by the way), one may also reject sainthood as an ideal and therefore feel that Gandhi's basic aims were anti-human and reactionary: but regarded simply as a politician, and compared with the other leading political figures of our time, how clean a smell he has managed to leave behind!

Complete article > http://www.orwell.ru/library/reviews/gandhi/english/e_gandhi

Westworld : Part IV

Part IV : Tangents/Ramblings.

Woaah that sounds like Paint It Black! Damn, I haven't heard anything by the Rolling Stones in such a long time! I'll go listen to them! I'll just look up some Westworld music while I'm here...oh my god they covered Paint It Black! Oh my god they covered Paint It Black!!! And it sounds so good. Okay I'm just going to sit here listening to super-cool Westworld covers while I still have the rest of the show waiting to be watched :P

AIN'T NO GRAVE AHSIDFJSDKF JOHNNY CASH AHH

Flies. I noticed all the flies in the first season for some weird reason. On their eyes could be taken as a hint that they're not human and not online. And when Dolores kills the fly, that was obviously a moment. A moment it was. And when they are actually online, and they shoo away the flies, it's a indicator of how deep the impulses have been ingrained, it's really pretty. Like with the "ingratiating scheme" = personal questions in a conversation. "We've been talking for a long time and I haven't asked you a personal question."

Dolores also reminded me of Sansa, in the beginning. That line she had was so pseudo-feminist. "I imagined a story where I didn't have to be a damsel." I'm sorry, what the heck? And when she starts being brave, her clothes just get more masculine? I get that the clothes tied in later with the whole inner voice Dolores, but I thought that was kind of tacky, they could have made it much subtler. So what if everyone doesn't get it? Everyone is stupid. And I was kind of okay with how she was Sansa and immature and she had Teddy being all chivalrous and "your path leads you back to me" and she was happy in that small sexist loop, and then suddenly she broke free and I was so happy and then she starts sprouting that pseudo-feminist crap and it just hurt me inside. If the writers intended for it to show how she's struggling to throw her old mannerisms, then that would still be fine, but sure didn't seem like it. Especially how she unbuttoned even the "brave" shirt down to her cleavage. 

Also Teddy really reminded me of Billy Crash from Django Unchained (Walton Goggins), looks-wise only, not character, but apparently he's played by a James Marsden. 

MRSA = Methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus aureus. It is a bacterium responsible for several difficult-to-treat infections in humans. It's called 

I thought I heard someone mention Heromich Bodge, but apparently that's not even a person, so I don't know. If someone knows, tell me in the comments xx

Behavior takes a proprietary approach. "Proprietary" describes something that is owned exclusively by a single company that carefully guards knowledge about the technology or the product's inner workings. Eg. Microsoft takes a proprietary approach. So when the spectrum of behavior starts panning, it tries to take over all unrelated parts of the organism. 

Proprietary system? Publisher or another person retains intellectual property rights—usually copyright of the source, but sometimes patent rights.

How many men are there in a firing squad...is it to lessen the blame or guilt on a single person... Compare a firing squad with hanging and the guilt of a hangman with the poisoner (woman's weapon?). 

FIRING SQUAD> Sometimes called "fusillading" from the french "fusil" = "rifle". Before the introduction of firearms, bows or crossbows were often used.Usually, all members of the group are instructed to fire simultaneously, thus preventing both disruption of the process by a single member and identification of the member who fired the lethal shot. A single shot by the squad's officer with a pistol called the "coup de grâce" is sometimes incorporated if the initial volley turns out not to be immediately fatal. | Military Significance > For servicemen, the firing squad is symbolic. The condemned serviceman is executed by a group of his peers indicating that he is found guilty by the entire group. Also, the group action on one side (being the firing squad), with the condemned standing opposite, presents a visual contrast that reinforces to all witnesses that solidarity is an overriding necessity in a military unit. If the condemned prisoner is an ex-officer who is acknowledged to have shown bravery in their past career, they may be accorded the privilege of giving the order to fire. | Blank Cartidge > In some cases, all but one members have live rounds. Since they are not told beforehand if they have a blank cartidge or live ammunition, this is believed to reinforce the sense of diffusion of responsibility among the firing squad members and make it more likely that they would aim to kill, as they know they won't be entirely blamed for it, or if there is a chance they won't fire the lethal shot. It also allows each member of the firing squad to believe afterwards that he did not personally fire a fatal shot—for this reason, it is sometimes referred to as the "conscience round".

HANGMAN > (Side note, I searched Hangman and then Hangman Guilt, still getting results for the game -.-) The Oxford English Dictionary states that hanging in this sense is "specifically to put to death by suspension by the neck", though it formerly also referred to crucifixion and death by impalement in which the body would remain "hanging". The first account of execution by hanging was in Homer's Odyssey.

Unrelated, but from all the dead people and no tombs, Oscar Wilde is buried in the Père Lachaise Cemetery. 

Felix, Destin. I thought Mauve was going to kill Felix. For sure.

How does evolution explain peacock feathers? SEXUAL SELECTION. Researchers find that males can respond quicker than females to sexual selection, resulting in glitzier garbs like the male peacock's tail feather, which outshows any drab peahen.
http://www.slate.com/blogs/wild_things/2015/08/17/peacock_evolution_through_sexual_selection_feathers_sounds_eye_tracking.html

Westworld : PART III

PART III :  Quotes. 

As exquisite as the array of emotions is, even more sublime is the ability to turn it off.

Evolution forged the entirety on this planet using only one tool: the mistake. But, of course, we've managed to slip Evolution's leash now, haven't we?

I know we both believe the same thing. No matter how dirty the business, do it well.

We can't play god without being acquainted with the devil.

Only boring people who get bored. It's only boring people who cannot feel boredom so cannot conceive of it in others. 

You see what a bored mind can conjure?

Everything in this world is magic, except to the magician. 

The only thing wrong with the seven deadly sins is that there aren't more of them. 

Pretty as a picture, tight as a tympani drum, I reckon. 

When the legend becomes fact, you print the legend. 

This pain...it's all I have left of him. You think the grief will make you feel smaller inside, like your heart will collapse in on itself, but it doesn't. I feel spaces opening up inside of me, like a building with rooms I've never explored/experienced. 

I always know when a man wants something that's not on the menu.

Dreams are the mind telling stories to itself. 

Your mind is a blooming garden. Even death cannot touch the flowers blooming there. 

Creatively speaking, I'm flaccid now. I can't get it up. Do you have any idea what went into those narratives? Forget the months that I spent writing! Years of my life squeezed down to their essence, the raw pulp of truth—my truth! in one transcendent narrative. 

 Never saw anything as beautiful as that old dog, running.The dog had spent his entire life trying to catch that thing, now that it had, it had no idea what to do.

You really do make a terrible human being, and I mean that as a compliment. 

Choices, hanging in the air like ghosts.

Purist, getting off on the undiluted experience.

"Tortured artists" only works for artists.

The only men to survive are the men of conviction.

She said I stacked up all my good deeds, like it was just an elegant wall I built to hide what's inside from everyone and myself. 

I just want to be in the moment I am. 

Mozart, Beethoven and Chopin never died. They simply because their music. 

From the day I first came online...

The piano doesn't murder the player if it doesn't like the music. 

I read a theory once that said the human intellect was like peacock feathers. Just an extravagant display intended to attract a mate... Michelangelo, Da Vinci, etc, just an elaborate mating ritual. 

There is no threshold that makes us greater than the sum of our parts,no inflection point at which we become fully alive. We can't define consciousness because consciousness does not exist. Humans fancy that there's something special about the way we perceive the world, and yet we live in loops as tight and as closed as the hosts do, seldom questioning our choices,content, for the most part, to be told what to do next.

Do you believe in fate?

~ If the bitch exists, I'd like to kick her in the teeth right about now. 

Behavior takes a proprietary approach.

Great artists always hid themselves in their work.

Eloquent. 

(Shakespeare)

 What they are, yet I know not, but they will be the terrors of the earth. 

When we are born, we cry that we are come to this great stage of fools.

The coward dies a thousand deaths. The valiant tastes of death but once. 

And in that sleep what dreams may come.

(Frankenstein.)

One man's life or death were but a small price to pay for the acquirement of the knowledge which I sought, for the dominion I should acquire. 

(Oppenheimer.)

Any man whose mistakes take ten years to correct is quite a man. 

(George Elliot.)

Our dead are never dead to us until we have forgotten them. 

-----------------The End.-------------------

Westworld. PART II.

Westworld Part II : The Semantics.

For those of you familiar with my reviews, a great part is focused on the choice of words, and their meanings, and Westworld introduced me to a host (pun-intended) of words that I had never seen before in the light I saw them in now, and I will always see them in from now.

rind.

= the tough outer skin
of certain fruit,
especially citrus .

= zest.

= peel.




Judas steer. 

A Judas goat is a trained goat used in general animal herding. Cattle herders may use a Judas steer to serve the same purpose as a Judas goat. The technique, and the term, originated from cattle drives in the United States in the 1800s. The term is a reference to the biblical character Judas Iscariot.

archetype and stereotype. 

Stereotype (n): A widely held but fixed and oversimplified image or idea of a particular type of person or thing. Archetype (n): a very typical example of a certain person or thing; types that fit fundamental human motifs. A trope is a character that puts that archetype in a cultural context.

baroque = 1. relating to or denoting a style of European architecture, music, and art of the 17th and 18th centuries that followed Mannerism and is characterized by ornate detail. Major composers include Vivaldi, Bach, and Handel; Caravaggio and Rubens are important baroque artists.  2 highly ornate and extravagant in style.

depredation = an act of attacking or plundering.

reverie = 1 a state of being pleasantly lost in one's thoughts; a daydream. 2 an instrumental piece suggesting a dreamy or musing state. 3 a fanciful or impractical idea or theory

aberrant = departing from an accepted standard.

lobotomy = a surgical operation involving incision into the prefrontal lobe of the brain, formerly used to treat mental illness.

duplicitous = deceitful. In LAW (of a charge or plea) containing more than one allegation.

 a level of moral culpability *

culpability = responsibility for a fault or wrong; blame.

pandering to your baser instincts * 

:P


bootstrap = In COMPUTING a technique of loading a program into a computer by means of a few initial instructions which enable the introduction of the rest of the program from an input device.

A ticker tape parade is a parade event held in a built-up urban setting, allowing large amounts of shredded paper (originally actual ticker tape, but now mostly confetti) to be thrown from nearby office buildings onto the parade route, creating a celebratory effect by the snowstorm-like flurry.

primacy = 1 the fact of being pre-eminent or most important. 2 the office, period of office, or authority of a primate of the Church. 3. PSYCHOLOGY the fact of an item having been presented earlier to the subject (especially as increasing its likelihood of being remembered).
retrospective = 1 looking back on or dealing with past events or situations. 2 (of an exhibition or compilation) showing the development of an artist's work over a period of time. 3 (of a statute or legal decision) taking effect from a date in the past.

cornhusker = 1 a person or device that removes husks from corn. 2 (usually capitalized) A person who is a native or resident of the U.S. state of Nebraska.

humdinger = a remarkable or outstanding person or thing of its kind.

bespeak = 1. be evidence of; indicate. 2. order or reserve (something) in advance. 3. speak to.

yammer = 1 make a loud, repetitive noise. 2 talk volubly.

pyriokytenic effect = (in science fiction) the ability to set objects or people on fire through the concentration of psychic power. 

dissonant = unsuitable or unusual in combination; clashing.

existential crisis =  a moment at which an individual questions the very foundations of their life: whether this life has any meaning, purpose, or value...This issue of the meaning and purpose of existence is the topic of the philosophical school of existentialism. existential dread, existential question.

Occam's razor (or Ockham's razor) is a principle from philosophy. Suppose there exist two explanations for an occurrence. In this case, the simpler one is usually better. Another way of saying it is that the more assumptions you have to make, the more unlikely an explanation is.

pestilence = a fatal epidemic disease, especially bubonic plague.

Turing test = a test for intelligence in a computer, requiring that a human being should be unable to distinguish the machine from another human being by using the replies to questions put to both.

diddle= cheat or swindle (someone) so as to deprive them of something.

simulacrum

= an image or representation 

of someone or something.

 = an unsatisfactory imitation 

or substitute.

cornerstone =  1 an important quality or feature on which a particular thing depends or is based. 2 a stone that forms the base of a corner of a building, joining two walls. COMPARE with "Keystone".

reprobate =  1 an unprincipled person. 2 (in Calvinism) a sinner who is not of the elect and is predestined to damnation.

anachronism = a thing belonging or appropriate to a period other than that in which it exists, especially a thing that is conspicuously old-fashioned. 2 the action of attributing something to a period to which it does not belong.

Westworld. PART I

Welcome to my first series review. Westworld. I wasn't aware starting out that it was going to have another season, but that's now heartbreaking. It got me off on a whole new tangent as to what ideal writers do, if the writers of this world are writing great shit but their way of doing it is unaesthetic. Writers are stopping work on creations they have half published; they're telling us new things about the book after it has been published for years, making us change our cognitions on the basis of what they believed. So unaesthetic. Shouldn't they know where it's going...have some semblance of comprehension if not completion. You don't just start writing and then publish it part by part...like Wattpad? Or film it part by part. Think Gangs of Wasseypur...it was in two parts, but they were filmed consistently and released separately. That's whole. Doesn't give a differentiated outlook. Result.
When I put up my story on Wattpad I had the whole thing written out and I just put up every part after editing. Others start putting it up as soon as they have an idea, and the more disciplined writers finish it. Which makes me think of whether writers should be disciplined. The two streams, we come back to that. Art and Logic. Rationality. Principle.
Impetuous publishing results in those other writers letting more people look at their actual work, while most of my work sits in "Trash" folders, hated and loved by me and only me. Is that good or bad, that I don't let people see work that I know is bad, that I'm not proud of it, that I desire to be perfect, my work to be perfect?
And then are those people who say, oh, just let someone look at it, doesn't matter if it's crap, they'll guide you to write better. But it does matter, especially to someone who doesn't even know if you should write crap at all. There have been so many writers who thought to themselves, I won't write anything if it is shit. I'll wait till I have something of value to write about. I'm not there yet, but I'm thinking about it, and I definitely can't let people read the shit that I write. So why do others? Are they wrong? Aren't they real writers? How do I know?
If we come to the conclusion that they are actually not real writers, we still can't deny that what they have written is some fucking great shit. So they are really good story-tellers, that's a fact. What they have done is ground-breaking. So is writing more than story-telling? Yes. The latter is an art. I thought the former is an art, too. Is it a discipline? What is it?
And back to where I started, there's another season coming. It's so heartbreaking to have incomplete fandoms swirling in your brain. And then there are my own stories with nowhere to go and they keep mixing and matching and lost connections, refusing to condense. There is more substance and they're incomplete, I think it's really belitting to be kept waiting.
Which, again, brings us to the author-reader relationship. Speaking of which, the difference in those who call themselves authors and writers. Who call themselves readers first, and I write a little bit. Who pride themselves on reading only. Who say they don't have time to read anymore, after they started writing.

Novelist = one who writes novels. Writer = one who expresses ideas in writing. One engaged in literary work. Author = a person who writes a novel, poem, essay etc, the composer of a literary work. But I'll address this in another post. And the author-reader relationship, interdependence. Submission, the wait, and the desperation. And the expectations. I mean, damn.

So in a circle, my first series review. I'll be doing it in parts, of which this was the first. Stay tuned for the second!

Sev7n.

This is an attempt to do a "Movie Feels" for once, because I always do "Book Feels"and "Movie Reviews". This is probably going to stay unpublished in my thing, but here goes.

I watched this movie and I felt a savage sense of loss.
Ernest Hemingway ~ "The world is a fine place and worth fighting for." Somerset the protagonist agrees with the second.

Attrition ~ sorrow for sin that falls short of contrition.
       SOMERSET: Attrition. When you regret your sins, but not because you love God.
           MILLS: Like, because someone's holding a gun on you.

"Why always like this? Only after the fact... this sudden realization, that if you shoot someone, or stick a knife in them, that person will cease to exist."  Somerset. 

Pathetic soul needs to read > Seven Terraces of Purgation, Dante, Canterbury Tales, Paradise Lost, Purgatory, The Life and Time of Charlie Manson, The Writings of Saint Thomas Aquinas.

"It's a fine line between insane and inspired." Somerset.

"In any major city, minding your own business is a perfected science. There's a public crime prevention course offered at the precinct house once a month. The first thing they teach is that you should never cry "help." Always scream "fire," because people don't want to get caught up in anything. But a fire... that's an evening's entertainment. They come running." Somerset.

"Wanting people to listen, you can't just tap them on the shoulder anymore. You have to hit them with a sledgehammer, and then you'll notice you've got their strict attention." John Doe

I just don't think I can continue living in a place that embraces and nurtures apathy as if it was a virtue. 

Pederast >  Pederasty ~ sexual activity involving a man and a boy.

Reference, Sodom and Gomorrah, https://www.gotquestions.org/Sodom-and-Gomorrah.html

The Counsel Of Strangers

Rumi ~
Discursiveness dies and gets put in the grave.
This contemplative joy does not.
This present thirst is your intelligence,
not the back-and-forth, mercurial brightness.
Scholarly knowledge is a vertigo,
an exhausted famousness.
Listening is better.

Rumi ~
This is how a human being can change :
There's a worm addicted
to eating grape leaves.
Suddenly, he wakes up,
call it grace, whatever, something wakes him,
and he's no longer a worm.
He's the entire vineyard,
and the orchard too, the fruit, the trunks,
a growing wisdom and joy
that doesn't need
to devour.

Dead man talking.

This is my first film review. The film is Dead Man Talking, a french film directed by Patrick Ridremont. It is the story of an execution, touching and droll.
The movie takes off noting the attitude of general indifference around the execution of an anonymous criminal. When asked to say something as a last word, William starts telling anecdotes from his life, interesting and moving. A mere formality rapidly becomes a nightmare for the prison director and a major issue  in a local electoral campaign.
The characters are beautifully spun, the film is never too slow or too fast. The dialogue is catchy and tastefully funny, though sometimes a little slapstick trickles in. Unexpectedly witty and loqucious, William Lamers takes us on a tour of his life. Even without an equal amount of screen "show and tell", the other characters are not at all flat, but layered and textured with finesse. From their interactions with Lamers and each other, we find innocuous flaws and pains and struggles and secrets. Makes for a harrowing, beautiful two hours. 

Phases

Phases : A Ramble.

Teenage is a phase. Childhood is a phase. Some pretty. Some ugly. Enjoy where you are. Path that counts, the destination is just that. But no, I see my child slipping into my phase that I used to be. I see my mistakes that I made. My child will make my mistakes. Do I want that ?
But the mistakes that are seen clearly. The good things are not. Don't deny a phase, enjoy where you are. But deny the mistakes, how to then find. What good rests. Don't deny a phase. Find out who you are. Does the phase change ?
The phases in the phase. The phasing of the phase. The phase phasing. Does it make sense. The phases. The phase. Change. And changes. Changing. Mistakes. Doing. Find what is left, seeing what is seen, growing scared, growing thus scared.
I see my child making my mistakes. I find mistakes, so not to make. I show my child my mistakes, so not to make. The good shall we find on our own. 

Pansexual.

weer towards intellect ?

where is it coming from 

this attraction ?

am I just another
wandering traction ?

'cause I don't want to be. 

Feminist

trying to be
gender blind here. 

! God of the Wild Pan

persons believe

what they want to 

see what they want 

feel likewise 

don't see why in freedom
being sadness 

see why I'm gender blind ?

I could love you

today or tomorrow 

if I love you 

I will not know you
feel you today

and tomorrow.
fill up your forever ?